Mum guilt is a phrase that I am sure we all know. I’m sure it’s probably best to refer to it as parenting guilt as I am positive it is not only mums who will feel this way. I seem to have to battle with mum guilt most days. More often than not my mum guilt is generally surrounding the fact that I am upstairs trying to get C to have a nap whilst J is happily playing downstairs. He will occasional shout me a random question, such as can we buy a stair lift?!?! If he is so happy why am I normally upstairs feeling guilty that I’m leaving him out? Then when he does come upstairs I’m busy shushing him so he doesn’t distract C and then she won’t go to sleep. In the long run by getting C to nap it means I can then spend time playing with him.
I now find myself battling with emotions in my head every time I feel happy. When I’m having snuggles with C, I realise how much I am enjoying having a baby this time around. I can’t help it but the mum guilt creeps in and I feel sad as I was robbed of these days when J was little. I don’t think his allergies and reflux were the main factors for me suffering from PND. I am so happy to still be breastfeeding at 21 weeks but then the mum guilt creeps in and I feel bad. I feel guilty because I didn’t manage to breastfeed J, especially as it would have done him better as he was allergic to milk.
We have made the decision to slowly start to wean C with some purees. As she is such a chilled out baby this means that I have the time to actually make my own rather than just use jars. There is nothing wrong with using jars as that what we did with J when we found some he could have. This doesn’t stop me from feeling the mum guilt that I am somehow giving C special treatment for making her food from scratch. It’s actually down to the fact that J screamed constantly and there was no chance he would let me put him down long enough to cook the food, let alone puree it.
It’s ridiculous and I know it is but mum guilt seems to have this effect on me. I actually think that mum guilt is mainly just me getting used to having to split my time between two children now. I actually took J out on his own for the first time the other day and it was so lovely to have that 1 -1 time. I did feel better though because as soon as we got to the park he told me he wished C was with us as he loves her lots. So it obviously doesn’t seem to be bothering him that much having to share me with his sister.