Dealing With Mum Guilt

Mum guilt is a phrase that I am sure we all know.  I’m sure it’s probably best to refer to it as parenting guilt as I am positive it is not only mums who will feel this way.  I seem to have to battle with mum guilt most days.  More often than not my mum guilt is generally surrounding the fact that I am upstairs trying to get C to have a nap whilst J is happily playing downstairs.  He will occasional shout me a random question, such as can we buy a stair lift?!?! If he is so happy why am I normally upstairs feeling guilty that I’m leaving him out?  Then when he does come upstairs I’m busy shushing him so he doesn’t distract C and then she won’t go to sleep. In the long run by getting C to nap it means I can then spend time playing with him.

mum guilt

I now find myself battling with emotions in my head every time I feel happy. When I’m having snuggles with C, I realise how much I am enjoying having a baby this time around.  I can’t help it but the mum guilt creeps in and I feel sad as I was robbed of these days when J was little. I don’t think his allergies and reflux were the main factors for me suffering from PND. I am so happy to still be breastfeeding at 21 weeks but then the mum guilt creeps in and I feel bad. I feel guilty because I didn’t manage to breastfeed J, especially as it would have done him better as he was allergic to milk.

We have made the decision to slowly start to wean C with some purees. As she is such a chilled out baby this means that I have the time to actually make my own rather than just use jars.  There is nothing wrong with using jars as that what we did with J when we found some he could have. This doesn’t stop me from feeling the mum guilt that I am somehow giving C special treatment for making her food from scratch.  It’s actually down to the fact that J screamed constantly and there was no chance he would let me put him down long enough to cook the food, let alone puree it.

It’s ridiculous and I know it is but mum guilt seems to have this effect on me. I actually think that mum guilt is mainly just me getting used to having to split my time between two children now. I actually took J out on his own for the first time the other day and it was so lovely to have that 1 -1 time.  I did feel better though because as soon as we got to the park he told me he wished C was with us as he loves her lots. So it obviously doesn’t seem to be bothering him that much having to share me with his sister.

Do you suffer from mum guilt?

12 comments

  1. Plutonium Sox says:

    Oh gosh you’re totally not alone in this, I suffer massively with mum guilt too. Just know that you’re doing an amazing job with two happy children and the very fact that you feel guilty shows that you love them and do your best for them both.
    Nat.x

  2. Lynn Sayers says:

    Be ready… because in a few years the mum guilt will be that you remember J’s early days more than C’s, because you’ll remember every allergy/projectile vomiting/sleepless night, and with C being a lot easier, it won’t stick in your mind. You’ll believe took more photos of J etc etc, 2nd child mum guilt!!! PS. You are raising two fantastic children who adore each other and should be so proud of yourselves, because I know I’m proud of you and Mr mumtoamonster. Xxx

  3. Al Ferguson says:

    I do suffer from Dad guilt but definitely not in the same way or to the same level Jen suffers from Mum guilt. I think if we can take a step back we will all realise that we are doing bloody good jobs really.

  4. Mrs H says:

    Oh gosh, yes, I definitely have mum guilt. About so much. And when you have two it is so easy to compare what you are doing differently with your second. And by comparing you feel guilty because you are worried that one child or another is missing out. I think we all have mum guilt. And I think it is just a natural part of loving your children. Hugs Lucy xxxx
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  5. Lisa (mummascribbles) says:

    I have mum guilt about exactly the same things you are having it about! I’m breastfeeding Oscar for longer than I did with Zach, I feel bad when I’m upstairs trying to get Oscar to sleep! It is always there but we have to make the best of it don’t we?!

  6. Lucy Melissa Smith (Hello Beautiful Bear) says:

    Oh Alyssa, you poor thing, you’re really beating yourself up lovely. I do the same, I think it’s perfectly normal. We only have Lily at the moment but when I was pregnant with baby #2 before our loss it started to creep in already as I stopped breastfeeding Lily at around 6-8 weeks, I did cook for her from scratch but not all of the time and I’ve never been good at taking her out to groups regularly. I love her so much and I want the very best life for her but the truth is that we are living hand to mouth at the moment and I hate myself sometimes for being so selfish as to stay at home with her and for us to be skint all of the time but with nursery fees, I’d make no more than I do now from blogging if I went back full-time so it’s just irrational. You have two very different kiddos, I think you just need to remember that and give yourself a break. You’re doing your very best and I think you’re doing a wonderful job. Remember, mum guilt just shows how much we care about our little ones! J is happy and healthy and that’s all that matters 🙂 xx

    • Alyssa says:

      Ahh thank you so much lucy. Nursery fees are ridiculous, we are lucky that J gets free hours from when he was 3 and he starts school in September.

  7. Sarah says:

    I can really relate to this. Every decision comes with a negative and I feel guilty about absolutely everything. I don’t think it ever stops but we all need to remember we’re doing the best we can! Xx

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