Newborn days

Recently I have been thinking about the newborn days. It makes me sad as most of it was a blur hidden in sleep deprivation and postnatal depression. I lived ,well survived off around 3 hours broken sleep a night , thanks to reflux and unknown allergies. I hardly knew my name let alone what day or month it was.

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We ,like most new parents, took looking after J in shifts . When D was on paternity leave it wasn’t so bad, as you kept each other going.  However I remember when he went back to work and how down I got and how I struggled to adjust again. He had some time off using holidays when J was around a month old, which again was great but then I went low went he went back to work again.  We felt like we hardly saw each other as when he got home from work I would go to bed so I could take over in the night. I remember eating tea at 2am as that was the only chance, eating sausage rolls out of the fridge just as it was handy.
I think those first few weeks ,we mainly camped out downstairs just so one of us could get a little bit of sleep. I remember nearly ripping a cold callers head off for knocking on the door just as I had got J to sleep , and then they came back later!!. I think the nights were sponsor by the channel DAVE and every time I hear the theme tune to ‘two and half men’ it takes me back to those newborn days ,lay on the sofa rocking J in his pram with my foot trying to stay awake .
I do feel sad though, as I feel we missed out on so much . I don’t know if it was the PND or the reflux but I don’t remember enjoying much about those newborn days. You couldn’t put J down as he cried because of the reflux ,or he cried for milk to comfort the reflux which in turn made him worse because of the CMPA.

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I can remember him learning to roll over ,but I can’t tell you how old he was . Its the same with him crawling. I do remember him learning to walk, cruising furniture at 6 1/2 months and independently walking 2 days off 9 months. I did have one of those memory books but I couldn’t fill it in and I really do regret it now. I also feel guilty I didn’t.

At first those days traumatised us that much ,that its only recently we have discussed having another child as we both didn’t want to go through it again.

Hopefully next time round those early newborn days will be different.

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