Part of me has hesitated in writing this post but then the other part of me wants to write down how I feel.
I’m sure I’ve written before about how we really were not bothered what gender bump was. However, now that we know bump is a girl part of me is sad that it’s not a boy. I also find it really offensive when people say ooh one of each when they ask us as if we would have been disappointed if bump was another boy.
Before having J I could imagine myself having one of each gender, mainly because there is my brother and me so that’s the norm for me . However, when we found out we were expecting again I suddenly had this idea in my head that I would be a mum to boys. My husband is one of many boys and a few girls. So when I pictured J growing up I always imagined him having that brotherly bond with his sibling. We live on the same road as my husband’s brother which means we see them quite often. I’m not saying that J won’t have that sibling bond with a sister but I imagine it to be different.
J is so awesome and mischievous that I honestly can’t imagine having another child like him. Yes, he was a nightmare baby, however, he has now grown into such a polite well mannered 3 yr old boy with the most amazing personality. I’m sure once baby girl is here I will see that she will grow up awesome in her own way. I’m sure she will amaze us with her personality as she grows and I will look back at this post and wonder what on earth I was worried about.
I do feel guilty for feeling sad bump isn’t another boy, it’s not like I didn’t want a girl and I am over the moon as I have such a close bond with my mum that I hope to have the same with my daughter. In the next breath though I hope to have that same bond with J even when he is older.
I do worry that I will struggle to love bump as much as I love J. Its hard to imagine sharing that feeling of heart melting, about to burst feeling of love.